I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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