i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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