We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
