can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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