Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
