it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
