Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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