I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
