Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
