Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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