Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
