Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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