How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize