The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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