$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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