you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
