Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
