You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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