There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
