You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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