Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
