I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
