i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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