Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
