Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
