I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
