Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
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On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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