Barsexuality is the new black.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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