i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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