why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
