GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
