I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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