who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
