My underwear smells like fireworks.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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