I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
