Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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