she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
