party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
