Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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