I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
