a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
