Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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