Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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