My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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