Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
barbara walters just said penis...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
