"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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