In the future we'll all be gay
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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