Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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