Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
