I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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