sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
