We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
