I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
