So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
