I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
