the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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